What makes a genuine apology?

Genuine apologies can help restore the state of a relationship and avoid further conflict, but it is important to understand when it is real and heartfelt. Empty apologies can inflict more pain and prolong the conflict.

An apology should:

1. Acknowledge the harm or pain that has been inflicted.

2. Give an explanation of the feelings and thoughts of the offender, recognizing and validating the feelings of the person offended and with the promise of not repeating the offense.

3. Express remorse and humility

4. Have the intention of repair, symbolic or real, in visible actions

The person who has offended should recognize the psychological needs of the other:

• Restoring their dignity

• Affirming common values, recognizing the harm that was done

• Recognizing that the person who has been offended is not responsible for the harm done

• Reassuring that the offense will not happen again

• Looking at possible actions of restorative justice

Apologies do not come easy, but are necessary to restore the balance and linkage with those we live and work with. If you are interested in exploring this in depth I can recommend the following book:

Lazare, A. (2004). On Apology. Oxford University Press.