How to read the intentions of others

The ability to understand the feelings, thoughts and intentions of others is very developed in some people, but not in others. Most of us have an innate ability for this, as well as the potential to improve. There are different components to it that help us understand and focus our attention.

Theory of mind

It is the capacity of understanding what the other person´s point of view is. The information necessary to process this comes from the facial gestures, body language, words, intonation of the person we are analyzing.

Empathy

Simon Baron Cohen describes two types of empathy: cognitive and emotional empathy. They are present in each person in a scale from underdeveloped to a strong level of capability.

• Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand what the other person is thinking. It is a thought process that can be very rational or entwined with the connection of emotional empathy.

• Emotional empathy is feeling the other person's feelings. It is subconscious, even though it can become evident if the person is self-aware and through cognitive empathy is able to explain the experience.

Empathy is the result of the integration of our perceptions, lived through our bodies and processed in our brains. We can try out these strategies to become mindful of the people we interact with and the signals they send us:

1. Pay attention to the emotional cues in the eyes, gestures and body of the person you are with.

2. Look for words that express feelings or that are repeated throughout the conversation.

3. Be mindful of their body language and how you are mirroring it.

4. Attentively feel your breath and body sensations to interpret how the interaction makes you feel.

5. Actively listen and ask for clarification of intentions, thoughts and feelings.

6. After the interaction, reflect on the experience to look for important cues, if possible talk with another person to clarify your thoughts.

7. Write in a journal your reflection and go back to it over time to help you to find the patterns.

8. Practice emotional literacy, identifying your feelings and naming them looking for different words to describe them.

It takes time to become better. Attentive and mindful practices can help us improve. Integrated and healthy relationships are built with hard work that can strengthen the bond.

If you would like to explore this topic deeper, here are some useful resources:

How to Read Body Language: Joe Navarro: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jwUXV4QaTw

Empathy Quotient Test developed by Baron-Cohen: https://psychology-tools.com/test/empathy-quotient

TED talk: The erosion of empathy: Baron-Cohen : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXcU8x_xK18

Atlas of emotions: https://atlasofemotions.org/